Gratitude Experiment

As I continue to peel off the layers of defense, one of this week's realizations is that, indeed, I am competitive. I do not think of myself as a competitive person- don't like competitive sports, am a good sport when I lose a board game. (Though haven't always been. My sister may remember the fit I threw when I could not win one hand of Nertz while on vacation in Wyoming. Although, in my defense, I was newly pregnant, didn't know and was feeling crappy.) Yet, I am realizing that I compare myself to those around me to see how I measure up, or usually, fall short. I tend to be a 'glass is half empty' kind of girl and this prevents me from truly seeing how very much I have to be thankful for. So... I am going to try an experiment. I am calling it 'The Gratitude Experiment'. My hope is to post every day during the month of February, the things I am thankful for each day.

So, today I am especially grateful for my son who turned 15 years old today. His birth day was a scary one- I was critically ill with Toxemia and he was born by emergency cesarean section at 32 weeks gestation. We did not know his sex and the doctors said that after the surgery as I was coming out of the general anesthesia, I said, "his name is Colin." He weighed 2 pounds 13 ounces and was a little bit of a thing. I did not see him until he was three days old because it took that long for my health to stabilize. Yet once I laid eyes on him, lying there amidst the tubes and wires and beeping machines, I fell madly, fiercely in love. I am grateful that in spite of his tiny size, he was healthy and strong . Despite his rocky start, he grew quickly and in preemie terms, uneventfully, and came home 5 and a half weeks later.

I look at him now, taller than I am, feet almost as big as his Papa's, and can barely remember the tiny babe that he was. But I can still feel his weight on my chest as I held him skin-to-skin so many times in the hospital, or carried him as a wee bundle in the front pak. I am so proud of the adult that he is becoming. He is gentle and kind. Honest and funny. Wildly talented with his hands and a bunch of pipecleaners. Doesn't take me too seriously when I am being too serious. And can hold his own with his moody mama- respectfully. I am so grateful that he is my boy. Glad that he was my induction into motherhood. My first-born, my son Colin.