In Memory of

Done on his birthday.

Gavin's Birthday

.... is today. He would have been 10.

We will remember him today, together as a family. We will light a candle, go out to one of our favorite spots for breakfast, participate in a lantern walk tonight through the Rhododendron Gardens with Esther's schoolmates- the children have all made lanterns. It is a quiet, solemn walk with some singing, but mostly in silence. A peaceful way to conclude his birthday.

10 years later, the raw sting of sorrow has faded. But still, during this stormy season, the sorrow surfaces and he feels closer. And I welcome the reminder.

A poem....

God speaks to each of us as he makes us,
then walks with us silently out of the night.

These are words we dimly hear:

You, sent out beyond your recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
Embody me.

Flare up like flame
and make big shadows I can move in.

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don't let yourself lose me.

Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.

Give me your hand.


~ Rainer Maria Rilke ~

In the Forging Fires....

.... is where I have been.

Coming home after our spring break visit those many long months ago, I slipped into depression and overwhelm and discontent with myself and my life. I have since been in the forging fires- melting away defenses and beliefs I have held for so long. Peeling away the layers of defense so I can see clearly the patterns and behaviors for that they really are, so I can make the changes I want and need to make. I have much more work to do, but am on the path I need to be, with the support I need to help me find my way. Life has not stood still, all this time. With three children, life is busy and full of joys, too. So, I am finding my way back here, to chronicle my journey once more. It is good to be back.