I have four children

Our second son, Gavin Isaac was born 9 years ago today. Early, at 27 weeks, weighing 2 pounds 11.5 ounces. My pregnancy had been fraught with too many difficulties and problems to list here and the outcome was uncertain. The issues were with my body's ability to carry and maintain the pregnancy and he suffered those effects. After infection and 3 surgeries, it was all too much for his tiny body and he died at 2 weeks old. 14 days are not many to know one's child, but it was his lifetime and it is all we had. There were days when we were hopeful that he would one day come home to join our family; days when I was able to hold him on my chest and feel his warm body on mine and those were moments of joy and peace. Today, nine years later our family is remembering and honoring his memory and place in our family. There is a hole, a gap between Colin and Esther where Gavin belongs. I wonder what he would look like, who he would be, my little boy of nine. When I am asked the question, "How many children do you have?", that oh-so-dreaded question, for those of us who have lost a child, my heart still skips a beat. And I answer the question evasively, that I have a 13 yr. old son, and a 6 yr. old and 2yr. old daughter. Not wanting to deny Gavin's place in our family for he lives in our hearts.

I have four children. Three here on earth and one in the heavens. I know Gavin is happy and whole and healthy. I love him. I miss him.